Anyone up for a garage sale?

Sorrows cannot all be explained away in a life truly lived, grief and loss accumulate like possessions.

~Stefan Kanfer

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Is it possible, that sorrows can really be compared to something as simplistic as possessions? My first response is No! that's too easy. For at any moment I can simply toss just about any one of my possessions into the trash can and never see it again. Any person who has survived a sorrow of any kind, which is all of us, can attest to the fact that sorrows are not so easily discarded.

If, however, Mr. Kanfer is referring to a particular type of possession, those that never quite seem to go away, then I find myself agreeing wholeheartedly. I'm not talking about necessities; I'm talking about something random, something that you always talk yourself into keeping for no logical reason, something that probably serves no real purpose. It most likely lives in a box or under the bed or in a closet; rarely does it even see the light of day. I, as an "emotional female," have many of these sorts of items, ranging from pictures to letters to random trinkets. Rarely, if ever, do I look upon these items; but to throw them away seems like such a heinous crime!

My sorrows, griefs, and losses are these possessions that I cling to. They never truly seem to go away, no matter how long it has been, no matter how much I've "moved on," no matter how much I ignore them. Just as certain pesticides and chemicals can never be completely cleaned out of the earth, certain losses will always leave something behind, even in the tracest amounts. This weekend I received news that nearly threw me for a loop; it brought back a sorrow that occurred several years ago. I have not dealt with or processed this sorrow in so long that I literally sat motionless for a period of time in an attempt to process this news. I truly thought this was not something I was holding onto, that I had experienced the loss and had moved on. Apparently I was mistaken, for I suddenly found myself sucked back into the anger and pain! However, at the same time I felt a sense of control over these emotions. A choice is before me now: do I allow these feelings to overwhelm and consume me? or do I allow myself to experience them in as healthy a perspective as I am capable of, make use of the resources I have acquired since the last time I was confronted with this issue, and turn it over to God?

It is clear to me that my room of sorrows may have a few more occupants than I wish were there; however, I can also appreciate the fact that they will never completely leave. For if they were to disappear, how would I retain any knowledge that I gained from surviving the experience? Sometimes I need these sorrows of life to pop up and remind me of where I've come from, what I've endured, and how strong I really can be. If they were gone, I could never use them to empathize and lend support to a friend who is going through a similar situation. I would never be truly grateful for how good I have it now unless I have something lesser to compare it to. I would not be able to fully appreciate a God who takes the ugliest of circumstances and makes use of them for good.

This is not to say that I am impenetrable and this weekend's news hasn't affected me; I am in a bit of a "woe is me" attitude at the moment. However, at least I can admit that I have a problem, that's the first step, right ;) I also find that I am able to separate myself from moments of wallowing and approach everything with a bit of humor and perspective. Hopefully this makes sense to anyone reading it; sometimes the thoughts swirling about in my head fall out onto the screen and suddenly seem quite non-sensical! If it is all still random after my attempts to edit, I apologize; but thanks for reading anyways!